Key phrases and abbreviations

CLOTS: the government body set up to encourage training initiatives in private companies. Stands for: Corporate Learning Organisation Training Standards.

DIGTO: Department of Inter-Galactic Trade on Ofydd.

Mission: “To engage in peaceful trade with life forms from all galaxies.”

DS (dark-skinned): Earthlings often call DS people “black” but that is not literally true, which is why I have adopted a more accurate term.

GLOB (Global Logistics Operations & Database): A large multi-national corporation specialising in IT solutions for transport and logistics companies. Offices and computer centres in fifteen countries and Headquarters in New York. Took over PITS in January 2008 hoping to establish itself in the UK.

HN (human nature): A vague term used by Earthlings to explain their irrational and destructive behaviour patterns. Unfortunately, in-built psychological defects are part of the human condition. They give rise to situations which are destructive to peaceable relations, and generally have a negative impact on business. Some of the many HN problems we must be on our guard against are anger, the desire for revenge, carelessness, etc.

not literally: Earthlings use metaphors frequently . This is when they say something untrue for dramatic effect.

nut hut: The temporary buildings on the Plastwick site, which house the R&D department.

Offyd: The home planet of Offydians, a species far in advance of Earthlings with respect to technology, wisdom and good looks. Situated many light years from Earth.

PITS (Professional Information Technology Services): A medium-sized IT company based in Plastwick, a medium-sized town in the north of England (a small nation state, situated on an island off the continent of Europe in the northern hemisphere). The company provides/d computer services for a transport and logistics company, Transpeed, and was originally chosen as the focus of our observations, but in January this year it was taken over by GLOB.

PPG (pale pinko-grey): Earthlings call this skin colour “white” but that is not the correct term except in two cases:

1. Individuals suffer from a melanin deficiency (albinoism).

2. PPG people who live in cold climates do actually develop a fish-belly bluish-white tinge during the nine months of the year when their skin is hidden from the sun under thick clothes.

predictograph: Our device does not work at optimal levels here on Earth, and we can only rarely obtain a 100 percent certain picture of the future, as we can on most of the other planets we have observed. This is because human behaviour does not consistently obey the rules of common sense, logic or even self-interest, meaning that the device has very little firm data to work on.

PRETOI Pre-Trade Observation Initiative organised by DIGTO. The current PRETOI team is made up of Observers Guto, Mallt and Glaw and is currently on a visit to Earth.

remote thought probes: We can pick up the thoughts of sentient creatures up to about 50 metres away, but after that reception is disappointing. Luckily , bearing in mind their emotional instability and high aggression levels, Earthlings cannot read each other’s minds in the way more highly-developed species can, nor have they sufficiently advanced technology to produce a remote thought probe themselves.

robizz (robot-business English): A variety of English used exclusively in the publications of large corporations, public bodies and advertising agencies and meaning very little. It is the sort of English you would use if you had to address a reasonably intelligent robot. (i.e. There is no indication in speech or writing to reveal the message has been generated by a living creature, or that either the generator, or the intended recipient of the message is a member of a species which prizes social competence.)

thought probe: The new release of the Intergalactic Thought Probe is a vast improvement on the earlier versions – full marks to the development team. Not only does the subject not feel its presence, but the messages the probe picks up from the subject’s brain and transmits to the Observers are remarkably clear.

TOP: This stands for Teamwork, Openness and Passion (TOP), GLOB’s core values

Transpeed: The organisation which later became PITS (Professional Information Technology Services) started off as the IT department of Transpeed, a large national transport and logistics company. When Transpeed took the decision to outsource IT, PITS was set up as an independent company. Over the last years, the company has grown fast and opened offices and branches in many other countries, though it continues to have its headquarters in Plastwick.

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