Readers’ Comments Page
I’d love to hear what you think about The Guide and the issues it raises. I don’t have time to check this page so often, but if I find any really offensive postings I reserve the right to delete them. OG
“How will it all end? What is
the meaning of life?”
To add your own comments, please scroll down.
Saint Bernadette of Lourdes - 2008-07-02 21:41:29
recent Star Report about Vision
I had a Vision once, so did Andy Murray, but Nadal's was better
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-06-29 14:08:08
holidays etc.
On our home planet we do not take holidays. We get enough bad food, stress, boredom and discomfort during our tours of duty to other planets (like Earth.)
As you will remember from Communication 1, we did rescue a number of dinosaurs from certain extinction on Earth many million years ago, and transported them to the planet Arc, which is now a popular tourist attraction. However the tourists don't come from our home planet, and are made up of a lot of empty-headed (sometimes literally) life-forms from the down-market part of the galaxy.
offdd@yahoo.com - 2008-06-26 09:39:07
holidays?
On Earth, as you probably know, this is the holiday season. When on your home planet do you take holidays and if so where do you go?
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-06-08 21:45:01
hamburgers etc
As you have observed hamburgers do seem to be a popular food with many Earthlings. We have heard that this particular dish does not actually contain ham , which one would assume from the name, which leads us to guess that it contains burgers.
We assume that this is an alternative spelling for burgher (definition: a respectable citizen; bourgeois.)This leads us to our next question - why should this particular class of Earthling be regarded as the key ingredient for this particular dish?
We have so much still to learn about this planet....
Escoffier - 2008-06-04 19:48:05
Food
Madame
locusts, sheeps eyes, and pork pies are all beyond the pale; the only food that could possibly bind ( no pun intended) the multicultural team in question is a Hamburger; another culinary disaster but popular amongst lesser mortals of all nations I am told
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-06-03 21:06:01
glass ceilings & cufflinks
I imagine that the term "glass ceiling" is a metaphor - in other words something Earthlings say which is actually a lie, but used for dramatic effect. (See "Key phrases and abbrevs.)
We Observers suspect that staring at him/herself in a glass ceiling would give any human, of either gender, a dreadful crick in the neck. Not only that , it would force the Earthling to gaze at him/herself open-mouthed in a most unbecoming fashion.
We suspect that the term "cuff-link" is also a metaphor. As buttons are obviously the most practical way of fastening one's sleeves (assuming one has arms of course) perhaps the term is meant to refer to something which is old-fashioned, easily lost and a tiny bit pretentious.
May the force be with you.
Editor GQ magazine - 2008-06-02 23:54:51
Gender in the City
I see feminism has reached outer space; the rare breed of female city lawyers, accountants and surveyors also wear poewer suits and formal shirt-type blouses, but without the cuff-links; they can often be caught gazing at their reflections in the glass ceilings that are omni-present in venerable City institutions
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-06-01 14:16:26
clothes and power
Thank you for your comment Earthling. Perhaps things are different in the metropolis.
As a point of information, does this sartorial code apply to all lawyers, surveyors, brokers etc. or only the ones who shave their faces - as opposed to the ones who shave their legs?
Editor GQ magazine - 2008-05-31 00:20:15
Respect for tall men in dark suits and white shirts
I feel I must elaborate as clothes and respect vary according to the setting. In London for example , City corporate lawyers,surveyors, brokers and the like must wear double cuffed shirts and expensive cufflinks to obtain maximum respect
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-05-20 20:58:47
privacy
The function of toilet cubicles in the Earthling workplace is worthy of a study in itself.
Why humans should need a private place to excrete waste products is a mystery. We know it can get a bit messy/smelly/noisy on occasions, but compared with the waste evacuation process of the Srriggots of the Walleen constellation , it is a very low-key affair. (Of course the Srriggots only rid themselves of their waste products once every two years, and the event is marked by fireworks and communal singing, so on second thought the cases are not so similar.)
We can only assume the rather coy attitude Earthlings take to the whole process is because their reproductive and excretionary organs are so close, or are indeed identical.(One wonders which genius came up with that particularly tasteless design feature.)
Odd how Earthlings should regard sex and the disposal of certain types of physical waste as warranting privacy, while eating spaghetti with tomato sauce (with all the attendant risks) or blowing one's nose in public is seen as acceptable. Earthlings are inexplicable.
Giacomo Casanova - 2008-05-18 21:42:46
Congress at GLOB
At last a subject close to my heart. Your references to toilet cubicles reminded me of a tale I once heard of some public facilities in Shakespeare Street in a northern town mentioned by one of your other correspondents; it is said that same gender transactions took place there and the venue was known locally as Anne Hathaway's Cottage.
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-05-15 22:04:00
outsourcing to Poland
FYI - the GLOB invoicing function is currently located in a little village just outside Wroclaw in Poland, and not in Newcastle where, if GLOB ever attempted to open such a facility, it would have difficulty recruiting sufficient employees with the requisite numerical skills.
What makes the inhabitants of one terrestrial town or country more or less numerate/literate/skilled at football than another is an area ripe for further research.We suspect the answer lies in the water.
The Angel of the North - 2008-05-13 23:59:57
Star report 14
I've heard of Coals to Newcastle, and more recently of Poles to Newcastle; is that where the invoicing department is now?
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-05-08 20:54:49
the reliabilty of Star Trek
I may have said too much. According to the statutes of the Department of Inter-Galactic Trade (DIGTO)we are not allowed to introduce advanced forms of technology to non-Offydians as this can cause havoc in the space-time continuum.
From observing episode 12 of "Star Trek" we thought we saw Captain Kirk using an energy source widely used on more developed planets, but we may have been mistaken. We certainly haven't observed its use on Earth during our current trip.
We can only conclude that "Star Trek" is not an entirely reliable source of information on human technological development.
Mr Spock - 2008-05-06 21:43:41
Alternative Energy Source
Episode 12 of the first series I recall saw me court-martialled and something about the Talosians and of course the beautiful and blonde Vina; so what is this alternative energy source you speak of? Is it something to do with my nocturnal visitations to Vina?
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-05-04 09:27:45
fuel and power
We are unfortunately forbidden by the terms of the DIGTO convention from transporting any other life forms, other than our own, to other worlds. (The dinosaurs were an exception.)
If your world is to continue on its present course, competing for fossil fuels and other resources, the scenario you paint of the future is accurate.
However there is one other cheap, easily available form of energy available to Earthlings and we cannot understand why you have failed to exploit it. We know that at least some of your fellow Earthlings have already identified it and have developed the techniques to harness it, for we observed this in episode 12 of the first series of "Star Trek," a well-known science programme shown on your telescreens.
Malthus, Machiavelli and Casanova - 2008-04-28 21:57:36
Peak Oil and the Twingles
Oil and natural gas will soon be priced out of reach of the masses. Oil based 'western' economies will disintegrate and immoderate warlords will dominate societies with brute force to control whatever food supplies are available; so would you please transport we 3 to Offyd ASAP so that we can twitch tentacles with Twingles and avoid all the unpleasantness that awaits fellow Earthlings
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-04-24 08:17:26
Nemesis awaits the greedy
In our experience the masses have a nasty of habit of making themselves heard if pushed too far. They can sit there passively for generations, complaining quietly under their breath(s), then suddenly there you are on the way to the guillotine or suspended in an undignified manner from a lampost.(Though we Offydians dislike violence we have to observe that in certain cases it is justified.)
That is not the only reason why we Offydians object to greed.It has an unfortunate tendency to make the exploiters believe that they are cleverer, morally superior and more attractive in every way than the exploitees. They forget their own insignificance in the great scheme of things but Nemesis awaits. (His spaceship is only a few light years away as we speak..)
Scrooge - 2008-04-22 10:28:55
Observations: Personal Greed
What's wrong with a bit of personal greed now and again; who cares about the teeming masses?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2005/oct/21/executivesalaries.executivepay
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-04-18 15:45:45
so underdeveloped....
I am amazed that Earthlings have not yet solved their sustenance problems. The following three-point plan would do it:
1.A system of strict rationing would be introduced by a World Council, run by Offydians.
2.Nutritious food would be provided free to all Earthlings (cheese and onion crisps, pork scratchings and chocolate creme eggs would no longer be available for purchase or consumption.)
3.The abolition of food pornography would be introduced (no television programmes trying to make the preparation of food "fun").
These measures would quickly solve the problem of food shortages.
P.S. Marie Antoinette - what or who is the Imperial Guard? If you mean Darth Vader's henchmen , we found them unreliable, and prone to falling over their feet at times of crisis.
Marie Antoinette ( again) - 2008-04-15 20:08:27
photocopiers and the opposite sex
I have no idea what photocopiers are but when I'm in the mood I just call for the Imperial Guard and they're soon standing to attention.
Marie Antoinette - 2008-04-15 20:05:26
Let them eat cake?
with food running out around the world ( maybe malthus was right after all), Japanese butter stocks at all timelow,Vietnaam ditching rice production for coffee, governmental policies using up food stocks for bio-fuel etc , etc, shouldn't GLOB turn its attention to cake production to make a quick buck from the wealthier nations who can still afford the world's remaining but diminishing stocks of flour, butter and icing sugar?
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-04-13 19:23:11
World domination? Why bother?
We so-called extra-terrestrials are indeed non-violent. Our superior powers - economic and technological - are enough to enable us to crush you like a Algoth egg (the small kind with the brittle shell) but our ethical code prohibits us from doing so.
And FYI - we already dominate the universe.
offdd@yahoo.com - 2008-04-09 15:38:14
answer to appeal
As I don't want to be exterminated by the Daleks I thought I'd better reply and say that I find your reports fascinating.
However I'm worried. I had the impression that you Observers were non-violent but it seems as if you are just another species after world domination.
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-04-05 21:42:08
appeal to all Earthling (and non-Earthling) readers
My fellow Observers and myself have observed a sad lack of questions and comments from terrestrial readers.
Pull yourselves together and make yourselves heard (or read) or we will be forced to take measures to ensure that you paying attention. Not that we would ever stoop to threats - though our trading partners, the Daleks,have advised us to take more active steps to get your attention...
og - 2008-03-23 12:08:13
story so far
We three Observers have been sent from the planet Offyd to make an in-depth reconnaissance of an average Earthling place of work, to see if we can learn more about how humans currently organise their commercial and trading organisations so we can decide whether we can risk establishing a relationship with them.
Disguised as head lice, we are currently in position on the heads of three employees of GLOB, a company in the north of England, and are observing how they work.We send a weekly report on their activities to our leaders on the home planet.
May the force be with you.
offyd@yahoo.com - 2008-03-22 14:31:58
story to date?
I've just found this website and as I can't access all the past episodes I feel a bit lost. Please fill me in.
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-03-20 20:32:16
taboos etc
I realise I did not made it clear earlier that tentacle plaiting was actually taboo among the Plokerrs (though we observed many instances when the law was broken.)
Our predictograph indicates that Earthlings are not likely to embark on inter-planetary travel for many hundred years, so I fear that your wish to meets the Plokkers will not be fulfilled.
If it is any consolation, this is probably a good thing as the reason they are under more or less perpetual attack by tribes on nearby planets is because they are one of the most obnoxious, violent and badly-groomed life forms we have yet encountered.
Giacomo Casanova - 2008-03-20 19:59:59
taboos
I haven't tried tentacle plaiting but it sounds more exciting than this thing you might call business psychology; where can I find one of these Plokerrs to explore further?
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-03-20 08:38:30
taboos
Interesting. This is presumably a work of fiction, and the idea (of consuming the dead bodies of one's own kind)is treated as if it is in some way immoral.
This is clearly one of those illogical taboos in which this part of the universe abounds. (Other examples are the Kroccs' refusal to open their eating orifices in months with a "q" in them and the Plokerrs' plaiting their tentacles under the impression this will ward off attack by the Lijon tribe - although this has never been known to work.)
Charlton Heston - 2008-03-19 22:18:40
early mortality... Soylent Green?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soylent_Green
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-03-18 20:34:57
early retirement and mortality
On some planets older creatures past their prime are devoured by their enemies - on other planets by their friends and colleagues. In the latter case this often happens shortly after, or even during, the retirement party.
Earthlings are currently becoming very excited by the idea of re-cycling, and the consumption of the worn-out bodies of the older members of their species is a logical progression. The old will contribute more to the economy by being consumed (reduced need for hospital beds, cheap source of protein etc.) than acting as consumers.
John Maynard Keynes - 2008-03-18 17:27:35
early retirement...an unhealthy fantasy?
kill off newly retired retirees!cough splutter; the so-called 'Grey Pound' (Grey Krone then)keeps a large part of the economy afloat via the 'multiplier' effect; think of all the golf club and retirement home employees who would be thrown out of work, and think of all the mortgage support they now fork out for their cash strapped offspring and grandchildren ( not forgetting University fees) you otherworldy head lice have a lot to learn
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-03-17 20:56:52
early retirement...an unhealthy fantasy?
We Observers have noticed that older employees often fantasise about being offered large sums of money by their employers to retire, so they can then sponge off the working population while monopolising the centre lanes of motorways and clogging up golf courses.
The question remains if it would not be better for the economy of the planet if older employees were put to sleep shortly after they received their last pay cheque.Exceptions could be made for those were especially good-looking, charming and/or amusing, or who possessed valuable skills (e.g.making lemon meringue pie from scratch, fire-eating etc.)
Freud - 2008-03-16 23:50:50
Age Realted handicaps
My friend Darwin mentioned something about obsessions;
we all have unconscious desires at some stage in our lives but I have never encounterd those desiring early retirement- an unfulfillable desire for many presumambly. I can help such people; my couch in Vienna awaits.
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-03-15 10:46:57
age-related handicaps
From what we have observed younger Earthlings suffer from the following handicaps at work: inexperience, over-enthusiasm, poor judgement and an obsessive interest in the opposite sex. Older Earthlings suffer from: cynicism, inflexibility, exhaustion and an obsessive interest in exactly how the term "early retirement," is currently interpreted by executive management.
A healthy Earthlings organisation requires employees from both groups to compensate for each others' weaknesses.
Darwin, Charles - 2008-03-14 10:15:34
"trusting your Instincts"
re the comment that "Hence, one sign of a strong company is that it values its older workers." surely the best sign of a healthy company is one which values its fittest workers ( physically and mentally), old or young, not just older per se?
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-03-12 08:20:30
humour?
Our automatic translation devices have had a problem with this concept and we are unsure what it means. However we have observed certain outward signals which show that humans find a situation "humorous" e.g. expelling air from the lungs in short bursts to produce an inarticulate noise.(On the planet Skrattoo the natives' extremities turn yellow and rotate when they are amused.)For natives of Offyd however the whole issue of humour remains an unexplained scientifc mystery.
Earthling Monica - 2008-03-11 10:44:58
What about humour?
I want to comment on last weeks chapter and the report from the workshop with Roger Krokben.
If I have understood your mission right, your reports are not written for amusement...but I found this one extremely funny! I was laughing out loud here in my office.
I wonder: on your own planet, does humour exist?
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-03-10 18:50:11
inheriting the Earth
You may not be aware that when it comes to inheriting a planet or moon, paragraph 3.1 from the Interstellar Department of Justice's "Legislation on Inheritance"(otherwise known as "Star Laws")applies.
Please inform your philosopher of that and that if he breaks the law he is likely to be severely punished.
Nietzsche - 2008-03-09 22:27:41
Nambys
They are from the planet where inhabitants are defined as:
1. Insipid and sentimental.
2. Lacking vigour or decisiveness; spineless.
n. pl. nam·by-pam·bies
One that is insipid, sentimental, or weak.
but didn't some earlier Middle-Eastern philosopher say that the meek shall inherit the world?
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-03-08 16:52:34
namby pambies?
Who are these "namby pambies" and which planet do they come from? We've heard of course of the Pamby Nambies - from that odd little galaxy to the right of Sirius - and they have a reputation as trouble makers. Are the NB's any relation?
Nietzsche - 2008-03-07 10:54:14
TOP Workshop 2:
a much as I used to welcome nihilisitc tendencies such as jumping into the abyss wearing a harness,sadly this scenario conflicts with many major corporates modernist health and safety policies and namby pambies can no longer be forced to jump against their will; such a shame! what is the world coming to?
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-03-05 11:19:51
Monday mornings
I'm so glad that I brighten up your Monday morning Kevin.
On the planet Zwak, where each week is ten days long and the working day lasts for 18 hours, special creatures called "Monday brighteners" are employed to cheer up staff with special company songs. This has been shown to reduce the suicide-at-work figures by 25%.(Not many people know this.)
kevin.harris@acornenglish.se - 2008-03-04 09:01:39
Space Invaders
This is getting better and better. It brightens up my Monday mornings to find out what happens next.
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-02-29 09:16:36
passion and previous chapters
I have to admit that the "passion in business" concept is an elusive one for us extra-terrestrials.From our observations, spending time with those who expend their passion only on work is only slightly more interesting than watching the evolution of the amoeba.
Regarding previous chapters, only the latest one is available I'm afraid.I'd like the book to come out in paper form one day in the hope of making some money(Marx and Engels would understand)and when it does I want readers to have a raeson to buy it!
Wretched of the Earth - 2008-02-27 15:59:58
Mallt: Observation 4 . "Passion"
In my organisation, Fanon Inc. 'Passion' is a mantra that all our senior managers use about themselves every time they address us, but looking at most of them I'm not surprisedthey don't experience any at home; although some of them are very rich, and as someone once asked of a blonde bimbo with a rich husband "what first attrracted you to multi-millionaire....?"
Marx without Engels ( he's broke again.. ) - 2008-02-27 15:43:42
previous chapters and commodity prices
I don't seem to be able to access more than the previous chapter; how do I get to see all previous chapters? must dash, left draft of a new tome called The German Ideoology in the time capsule. I notice on earth that all commodity prices are rising fast and that food reserves are at an all time low... must contact Malthus to discuss this ASAP
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-02-24 20:08:55
New upload once a week
I upload a new observation once a week, usually on Sunday afternoon/evening. If you want to know what happens to Peter, Anna and Karl (and to GLOB) you'll have to log on every week until the end of 2008!
Dan - 2008-02-24 18:50:04
I think this is great. How often do you update the site?
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-02-14 21:45:51
HR course: bungee jumping with Roger Krokben
I am interested to hear that your own terrestrial organisation has similarites with GLOB. When one hears of other "team-building" courses involving participants walking over red-hot coals,and catching and killing live animals, bungee jumping seems a natural progression.
Earthling Monica - 2008-02-10 21:58:59
Can't wait to read the next observation
Must say it was extremely interesting, and a little spooky, to read your first two observasions and reports. Spooky because I recognize a lot, even if I have never worked in the Glob organization. I would however love to take part in a workshop with Roger Krokben...
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-02-05 20:25:30
We have fans?
Thank you for explaining the use of the word "fan." At first our automatic translation device gave us only one meaning of the word, "a machine with turning blades used to cool the air by moving it around." We Observers thought that these devices sounded too rudimentary to have evolved brains, so were confused. Now, thanks to you, we realise the word also descibes a kind of human sub-species.
Go in peace
OG
Franksen, Earthling lost in Space - 2008-02-05 15:30:25
Touch Down!
Spot on and fantastic! I am a fan, (we earthlings call us that when we fully approve and support someone else). I will be following your observations with pleasure.
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-02-05 08:22:50
My fellow Observers and myself are delighted we have made contact with what is clearly a superior class of life form.
We thank you for your positive comments and hope you will spread the word of this website to those who are as yet ignorant of its existance.
May the force be with you.
OG
Kevin Harris - 2008-02-04 08:52:38
Dipping in
I loved the space/Earth ship. I will read more in my next tea break.
Little Me - 2008-02-04 08:16:03
First Encounter
Charming, absolutely Charming !
I'll be back for further reports/smiles !
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-01-15 21:51:51
Is it funny?
I suppose it all depends on your sense of humour - but yes - it is meant to tempt you to titter.
OG
John - 2008-01-15 17:28:26
GLOB
This is a bit wierd, but i think it's quite funny. Is it meant to be?
og@businesswithearthlings.com - 2008-01-15 15:07:06
Greetings Earthlings
I'm pleased to receive the first direct communication from a terrestrial life form. Are there any more out there?
OG
Marx & Engels - 2008-01-14 19:28:55
GLOB
a fascinating web site. (I believe that is what such methods of mass communication are called these days) and to the workers of GLOB, "you have nothing to lose but your final salary pension schemes" We await more intalments with interest; auf wiedersehn